Tag Archives: goals

How Do You Feel About How You Spend Your Time Each Day?

The last few days I have squandered my time answering emails, doing small tasks, and basically avoiding some hard work that I don’t enjoy. How do I feel tonight? Tired, uninspired, and not much further along on those tasks I was avoiding.

Most days when I am working on things I love, my days end with a sense of purpose, accomplishment and enthusiasm.

This difference is important. You probably overlook it as you trudge through your obligations and to-to lists. Yet, what I realized tonight, is that how I feel about how I spend my time matters. Because I didn’t want to do what I was aimed at doing, I made the project take longer, depleted my energy available for other things, and wasted much of my day. Yet, when I am excited about what I am doing I get ten or even a hundred times more done than I did the last few days.

Do you experience this same time warp when you are doing things you love verses doing what you loath?

I think we all do. And if this is universally true, than how we feel about how we spend our days matters more than we realize. Maybe you should be placing a great deal more attention on ensuring you spend your days in ways that energize you. With energy, you can accomplish much and without it you accomplish almost nothing.

Am I saying just don’t do things you don’t like? Well, as appealing as that might be—no that is not what I am saying. What I do suggest is that you start your day in ways that invigorate you and keep the things that pull you down to a minimum or at least scheduled for later in the day. That way you keep your day at high energy and can tackle the thing you don’t like with the vitality you created, rather than letting the action you dislike diminish your energy so you cannot complete most of the simplest tasks you had planned.

How do you feel about how you spend your time most days?

If your answer is not positive, then take time this weekend to create a new plan for how you spend each day this coming week. Add in more of what inspires you. Find creative ways to accomplish the things needed that you don’t enjoy.

  • Is there someone you know who does enjoy those things you can get to help you?
  • Maybe you can use the money you currently spend on vanilla lattes to pay someone once a week to do it?
  • Can you hire a neighbor’s teenager to help?
  • Maybe you could create a learning experience for a local college intern and get the job done for free?

Think outside the box, rather than stay boxed in a life of drudgery. 

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

How many times were you asked this as a young child? As an adult you may have actually wondered if you would every really grow up and know what you really wanted to be?

While no one really cared how you answered this question when you were little, as you got older you were given an idea from subtle and no so subtle suggestions that you must choose one goal or “purpose.”

The irony of this cultural pressure is that I have yet to meet anyone who truly has had one destiny or purpose. In fact, what makes people interesting is their multifaceted past. What creates genius is your ability to see things from various perspectives to find the keys to a new solution–something that comes with a varied experience.

How many people can you name who are still doing what they studied in college?

Sometimes doing what you love changes. You change. Circumstances change. Technology inserts new ways of doing things. Opportunities arise that if you are wise you capture–not because it was your goal since you were five and people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up or it was your college major–but because the opportunity ignites your imagination and enthusiasm.

We have traveled down the road of specializing to such a degree that it is hard to change paths once you have invested so much energy in one direction. We have forgotten how important it is to be able to have a general perspective before you can drill deep. Henry Ford is often quoted as saying he did not need to know everything because he could hire people who specialized in those areas. Similarly, Andrew Carnegie, at one time the richest man in the world, surrounded himself by people who understood the steel industry much better than he did–even though he made his fortune in steel.

The people at the top of any field are not experts in everything needed for their success.

  • The orchestra conductor cannot play every instrument in the symphony.
  • The CEO is not an expert at marketing, manufacturing and finance.
  • The school principal is not an expert in each subject taught at her school.
  • The heart surgeon does not administer the anesthesia.

Maybe when our life expectancy was around 30 years of age it made sense to do one thing and do it well. But you will most likely live three times that age, so why limit yourself to doing the same thing your whole life through?

If you are a person who has many interests, rather than let culture pressure make you feel flighty and ungrounded, remind yourself that you are actually ahead of the rest of society who painfully try to find things that will inspire them. Many people in life have dulled their curiosity and ability to explore new things. If you have changed courses multiple times than you have probably honed and cultivated a spirit of learning that will serve you throughout life. Other skills you have gained are:

  • Comfort in uncertainty.
  • Skills that transfer across sectors like being able to inspire others, organization, or others.
  • Seeing multiple perspectives, creating solutions otherwise missed.
  • Ability to learn new things.
  • Adaptability which is key in our rapidly changing world.

The next time someone belittles your changing careers or ending one passion for another, remember…

By feeding your curiosity and willingness to change you are building your genius and becoming the person you were meant to be–when you grow up!

 

Who Can You Be Today?

What is the greatest ideal expression of myself I can be today?

This simple question has the potential to move you from guilt and blame over the past or anxiety and doubt about the future.

Imagine waking each day without care about the mistakes you made yesterday or worry about your ability to reach your goals in the future–solely focused on what is the best you can bring to today!

I didn’t make this question up; some wise person I don’t recall gave it to me. The question gave me pause, made me consider, and helped me put things in perspective. Then, like so many of us, I let this wise teaching slip into the background. However, I was smart enough to send myself a note that would arrive months later to remind me of the question again today.

Now re-reading it with new eyes I am committed to asking myself this question every morning for the rest of my life. I posted it on my bathroom mirror to remind me each morning when I wake and each evening when I retire that the only think required of me is to bring my best to the day at hand.

And now I ask you. What is the greatest ideal expression of yourself you can bring to your life, today?

What Pain Are You Willing to Sustain?

We often ask, “What do I want,” but we rarely ask “What sacrifice am I willing to make,” or worse, “What pain do I want in my life?”

This last question posed by Mark Manson in his article in Quartz, really got me thinking.  We all sustain pain of various types when we have an important goal at stake. These can range from bodily aches as we train for a marathon, restraining our spending to save money to start a business, to emotional pain as we struggle to make a marriage work.

Mark’s question is important because you probably often say you want something, but are not committed to the struggle that is often required to get it. I know my list of wants will be whittled down using this question.

You can sift the chaff from the wheat pretty quickly if you stop agonizing over wishing for things you really aren’t willing to suffer to get.

Does this mean everything you want requires pain and suffering? Yes and no. Everything worth having will inspire you to heights you otherwise would not climb for other goals; yet, good things often come merely by believing you deserve them and being open to receiving.

There is another aspect of this question equally important to uncover–especially for women. Are there areas of your life in which you are repeatedly suffering, not for the good you hope to gain, but because you have grown numb to your suffering?

When I start a new business I never know if it will succeed–whether my efforts will result in the end goal I am aiming. Yet, I believe it is possible and also probable which is why I continue. When my children were young I agreed to emotional pain in my marriage because I believed our family was worth the struggle; I believed my then husband and I would work through our challenges and our relationship would be stronger for it.

At some point in my marriage I no longer believed things would ever be any different; but I stayed anyway. This is when my willingness to suffer became habitual, not something helping me achieve my goal but a pattern that actually held me from the happiness I desired.

You, too, might be suffering from a lack of discernment in your life between sacrifice that spawns fulfillment and the kind that thwarts your ability to succeed.

When you are stuck in the latter, less dynamic form of pain, you will actually be diminishing your success in all aspects of your life–not just the one where the suffering occurs.

Where and why do we suffer uselessly?

You might find this pattern of prolonged, fruitless suffering in a career that has long past made you enthusiastic to go to work, a relationship that holds on without bringing you joy, or even a home that does not feel rejuvenating. It could show up in endless dieting without ever feeling good in your body or endless budgeting that never improves your finances.

What causes us to maintain these states of pain beyond their usefulness? Primarily the fear of change. The problems we know are often more desirable the the unknown because at least we have a level of comfort in predictability. Yet those are the types of thoughts that make your life feel like the you are part of the walking dead.

Moving forward…

Once you identify any people, places, or circumstances in your life where you have allowed yourself to become numb to your suffering, then it is time to take action. Any action to challenge your deep seated patterns will inevitably bring up fear.  Yes, when you make the needed change it will create pain–the type of sacrifice required to create a life worth living!

You will feel the difference because this suffering will be in your face–not a dull ache you can ignore. It will be scary and exhilarating maybe all at the same time or you might experience massive  pendulum swings occurring every few days or even swinging wildly back and forth minute to minute. You may have to take risks and temporarily sacrifice things you enjoy to make the change.

Will you make the move?

That depends on your answer to the first question I started with, “What pain do you want in your life?” Do you want to live with the deadening pain you now know? Or, do you have a dream of something bigger, better and more fulfilling that allows you to actually want the pain you might encounter if its necessary to achieve your dream?

 

Einstein’s Goal Setting Advice!

If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.

Albert Einstein – 1879-1955, Theoretical Physicist

It is the time of year where most of us set goals, make promises to ourselves and others, and often feel guilty over unmet past resolutions.

This year I hope to encourage you to set BIG goals and help you achieve them! Einstein’s wisdom might hold the clue to move from idle wishing to your success.

One of the reasons we often feel unfulfilled is because we tie our happiness to our external world–people and things, rather than the achievement of worthy goals. Even a goal to loose weight, although seemingly about you, is often tied to how others will perceive you or treat you rather than how you will feel.

When our happiness is driven by our inner desires life becomes magical, work is rewarding and relationships are fulfilling.

Do you remember how great you felt when you accomplished something that felt really worthwhile?  How did it make you feel? When I achieve things that were a stretch, I feel strong, fulfilled and ready for more. That feeling is the real objective of setting goals; not the typical guilt ridden feeling New Years resolutions often create.

It isn’t that the people in our lives or things we want are not important; it’s that only when we are living our life from the inside-out can outside events and things actually be satisfying. Setting goals must start from your inner metric of happiness, not an outer objective. To set these types of objectives you’ll need to know what you really care about.

Answering the question, “What do I really want?” is one of the hardest things you may ever do.

You have probably not been conditioned to look inside and discover the answer to that question. More likely you were subtly, and not so subtly, taught that thinking of yourself is selfish and something to be avoided. Finding your answer may be the single most important thing you do this year. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you find your own answer to “What do I really want?”:

  • What brings joy to your heart?
  • What will get you up in the morning excited for the coming day?
  • Why do you want to do (fill in the blank)?
  • How do you want to contribute to the world?
  • What would you be willing to risk everything for?
  • What would be so important that the why for doing it is more important than all the obstacles and reasons to quit that you might encounter?
  • How will doing this make you feel? What will be the consequences of achieving this goal that are your deep “Why do I want this?” Sometimes your why is buried, don’t settle for your first answer. What will be different? Who will it help?

Knowing what you really want will be your grounding rod, your compass, your rudder. Answers to all other questions revolve around the answer to your inner most desire. If you leave this unknown to you, how will you craft your days, weeks, and years into a meaningful and fulfilled life?

Rather than rush into resolutions and goal setting, take some time early in the year to investigate what would really make you happy. I have some great techniques to creating goals that revolve around your inner passions in a FREE chapter from my upcoming book, Be A Female Millionaire.  Download it to help you delve into setting goals that make your life sing. Or if you really want to create a life of thriving, invest in yourself at the beginning of the year with my Wealth Development Program where I will help you identify great ideas and ways to make money doing what you love.

 

Meaningfully Busy or Harried Busyness?

Its a new year, with new goals, and so many possibilities. Whether you achieve your dreams will depend on your relationship with being busy.

Most women have so many things on their to do list–running errands, taking kids to activities, attending events in support of others, volunteering on a committee, paying bills, just keeping work and home afloat–that they rarely invest in either themselves or the dreams that matter most to them. Is that you, too? Are your days filled with busyness that prevents you from doing what you really choose?

If so, now at the beginning of the year is a great time to change your relationship with being busy.

Busyness implies you are meeting other people’s needs and helping them fulfill their dreams. Busyness means you are checking off errands on a list at the expense of pursuing your inner calling. Busyness keeps everyone’s life in your world streamlined, clutter-free, and humming.

However, to do something meaningful–something meaningful to YOU–you will have to change from busyness to being busy doing what matters. This is such a critical element of achieving success in any realm that I spend considerable time teaching techniques for achieving it in my Wealth Development Program. People with influence or those making significant contributions all do this, consciously or unconsciously.

Here are a few tips that will help you make the transition from busyness to busy.

  • Start your day with a commitment to work on your most important goal. If you want to write a book, write for a specified amount of time; if you are starting a business, take action solely for your new venture at the beginning of the day; whatever your goal is, do it first.
  • Know the areas that sabotage you and hold off doing things that are time-hogs until late in your day–things like answering emails, paying bills, or returning phone calls. These require less energy and creativity and can easily be done then; while your most important work deserves your best energy.
  • Start saying no to things that you do out of guilt, obligation, or because you have always done them. This is hard for most women; however, once you practice doing it, you will start to realize how valuable your time is and saying no will become easier and easier.
  • Keep fortifying your vision and dream regularly. You can have a mission statement you read to yourself daily or a journal where you continue to develop your idea and how it will look and feel once you have achieved it. Whatever form it takes, visualize your end goal often.

 

 

Be Your Own Holiday Hero

As you enter into the holiday season it is easy to get swept away with all the activities and loose focus on what matters most to YOU! In fact, most people live like that all year—swept away by the momentum of external events with little internal direction to meet their own needs.

With a small amount of attention, you will enjoy the holidays more and wake up in the New Year with a clearer sense of purpose and direction, ready to create new goals and more importantly prepared to achieve them.

I have a fun exercise to help you achieve this. Take time in December to reflect on the year almost at a close. Make note of what goals you accomplished, which have changed, and what remains unrealized; but focus on what has gone well. Start to build a list or journal of everything that you have done, all you overcame, and things you accomplished this past year.

By putting energy into remembering your successes before the year ends you are:

  • Preventing a feeling of overwhelm as holiday distractions have a tendency to make you feel like you are not getting enough done.

  • Reminding yourself of what you consider important which will help you make choices about how you spend your time this month.

  • Reinforcing what you do well and your self-confidence.

  • Remembering what things you enjoy doing and do well.

  • Creating a strong platform from which design goals that inspire you, not ones you feel you “should” do, at the beginning of next year.

Make sure you include personal and professional successes. You can start by taking a half-day retreat, or just an hour one morning to get started. Then read and add to this list (or journal) at least once a day. You will find your holiday season more fulfilling and you will be ready to embark into next year full of positive energy.

Note: It does not hurt that this exercise also expand your holiday party conversations beyond the weather!

 

 

 

Are You Addicted to Accomplishments?

Are you driven by checking off your accomplishments? Or do you find pleasure on the road to completion as well?

I recently learned that Dopamine, one of the key hormones we produce, gets triggered each time we have a sense of accomplishment, which can actually make us addicted to checking things off our lists because it makes us feel good physiologically!

I am a little releived to know my weird habit of adding things to my list that weren’t originally on it just so I can check it off is actually not that uncommon. The sense of accomplishment you get when you check something off your list gives your body a little zap of dopamine.

But the benefits from oxytocin–the hormone released at childbirth, nursing and every time we hug someone– actually last longer and has the ability to reduce addictive behaviors like overworking, shopping, or any other pattern used to get a shot of dopamine.

Isn’t that interesting?  If on your path to check off your next big accomplishment you spend more time connecting with co-workers, shaking hands, hugging, and being in relationship you will actually get the benefit of the dopamine at the end of the journey AND a wonderful happy feeling along the way from oxytocin.

“Don’t worry your life away waiting for the elusive prize at journey’s end. The journey is the prize.”

– Marsha Mercant – Actor, Singer, and Writer

Why do women have great friends and horrible networks?

I have been coaching women entrepreneurs for awhile and am dismayed by our gender’s general lack of networking when we are so good at creating social circles and deep friendships. Too many business women work hard to get ahead and fail to create the professional networking so vital to advancement.

Women are known as the sex that is better at relationships, communicate more and more effectively, and have stronger compassion genes. Yet, study after study show that women regularly fail at networking when it comes to their careers.

A recent article by one of my favorite Forbes contributors, Geri Stengel points to many of the pitfalls my clients have fallen into when they come see me about jumpstarting their stalled career or helping their start-up take flight.  Geri offers 6 tips for improving networking skills including “get over your inhibitions.”

However, I find most women are not shy, so this does not necessarily point to the real issue but is more of a symptom.  What I have learned coaching women is they are hard wired to supporting other people’s requests (their boss, co-worker, or family) but find it extremely difficult to ask others to help them, to ask for what they need. Period.  No amount of “getting over your inhibitions,” cracking the confidence code, or leaning in will unwire this because it is not about assertiveness.  Women can be plenty assertive at pitching their deal, rally for a cause, or going to bat for an employee.  Where they fail to speak up is asking for themselves.

To ask for something for yourself requires a few key things.  It is about knowing what you want, seeing how others could help you, and reversing genetic conditioning that stops you from recruiting others’ help. Let’s look at the first one, knowing what you want– since without that step the others are meaningless.

Many years ago I had a counselor send me home with the assignment of writing down everything I would ask for if I had the guts, and not ask.  She just wanted me to start to know what it was I would ask for if I felt I could.  Whoa!  Once I got going I realized there were a lot of things I was not asking for.  It was a great exercise and because she did not send me off to start asking for what I wanted, I was able to see more clearly all the areas that I was holding back.  If she had recommended I go start asking for what I want, I am sure I would not have been able to think of anything to ask for.

You, too can start this with just a pad a paper.  You don’t have to ask your boss for a raise or an investor for money.  At least not yet.  Start with a clean sheet and just think. If I could not loose–what is it I would ask for.  Start to really make long lists. List all the people you would ask.  It will help grow your muscle of seeing yourself as capable of asking.  You might surprise yourself and start asking sooner than you think.