Category Archives: time management

No. It’s a Complete Sentence!

I learned that “No” is a complete sentence from Ann Moore past CEO and Chairwoman of Time, Inc. It is a brilliant piece of advice that I suggest you use as a mantra.

This is an important lesson, especially for women, as we tend to say yes to everyone and everything–except ourselves or justify and apologize for not doing more. You probably do many things each week that you really don’t want to do, rather than saying no.

A recent article in Fast Company, by Stephanie Vozza, has a few good ideas to help you build your ability to say no when you mean it, rather than say yes because it’s easier. However, many of her suggestions start to justify your no; and in the long run it is more powerful if you can learn to “just say no!”

Why justifying your answer disempowers you.

Years ago in a teenage-parenting class I learned that by giving my teenagers reasons for my decisions–something I thought helped my children learn–I was actually giving my kids something to argue with. Although it seemed counterintuitive to my parenting style, I started to see that the more I justified my decisions the more we argued about them; eventually I stopped giving reasons.

Once you open the door to someone evaluating your choice you have changed the dynamics of the conversation. Every sales rep knows that no does not mean NO–as long as they can learn why. Early in my career I trained new sales reps to patiently wait after someone said no for their reasons. Most people feel bad saying no and will quickly give you their reason why. This always gives a sales rep the ability to “overcome the objection.’ It is the same reason you probably dislike used car sales people–they know this tactic all too well.

Respectfully declining is an art.

One thing I loved about Stephanie’s article was her emphasis on finding ways to demonstrate respect for the person asking, even while declining their request. When people feel dismissed it creates resentment. When they feel their needs are heard they are more likely to respect your “no.” Some easy phrases include:

  • Thank you for thinking of me, …
  • I am honored you are including me…
  • That sounds like an amazing opportunity, but….
  • I would enjoy that at a different time…
  • That sounds really important to you but it conflicts with things I already am committed to.

Don’t leave the door open if you really don’t want to be asked again.

You may find it easier to say things like, “Maybe next time,” or “I would really like to but..,” or even “Let me think about it.” These phrases may soften the blow of your ‘no’ today; but overtime they will cause discord between you and the other person if you really have no intention of saying ‘yes’ later. Putting off the inevitable actually leaves the other party hanging and repeated hearing ‘no’ starts to create resentment.

Having four children meant the limits of time alone meant I couldn’t say yes to everything they all asked for–even when the requests were for things I thought were fun or “good”–but I wanted desperately to do as much as I could so I often said maybe. And when the requests were for things my children felt passionate about even if I didn’t like the idea I always attempted to see their point of view, rather than quickly say no. Later in life, one of my children told me it would have been easier on her if I had just said no and stuck with it. My lack of decisiveness actually was harder for her than if she knew she couldn’t get what she wanted.

I think the same is true for adults. People want to know where they stand and saying no when you mean it is actually the kinder thing to do.

Try making, “No is a complete sentence,” your mantra or affirmation for a month.

You will be amazed at how much it simplifies your life and actually allows you to experience more joy when your days and weeks are no longer full of things you really did not want to do!

 

 

 

How Do You Feel About How You Spend Your Time Each Day?

The last few days I have squandered my time answering emails, doing small tasks, and basically avoiding some hard work that I don’t enjoy. How do I feel tonight? Tired, uninspired, and not much further along on those tasks I was avoiding.

Most days when I am working on things I love, my days end with a sense of purpose, accomplishment and enthusiasm.

This difference is important. You probably overlook it as you trudge through your obligations and to-to lists. Yet, what I realized tonight, is that how I feel about how I spend my time matters. Because I didn’t want to do what I was aimed at doing, I made the project take longer, depleted my energy available for other things, and wasted much of my day. Yet, when I am excited about what I am doing I get ten or even a hundred times more done than I did the last few days.

Do you experience this same time warp when you are doing things you love verses doing what you loath?

I think we all do. And if this is universally true, than how we feel about how we spend our days matters more than we realize. Maybe you should be placing a great deal more attention on ensuring you spend your days in ways that energize you. With energy, you can accomplish much and without it you accomplish almost nothing.

Am I saying just don’t do things you don’t like? Well, as appealing as that might be—no that is not what I am saying. What I do suggest is that you start your day in ways that invigorate you and keep the things that pull you down to a minimum or at least scheduled for later in the day. That way you keep your day at high energy and can tackle the thing you don’t like with the vitality you created, rather than letting the action you dislike diminish your energy so you cannot complete most of the simplest tasks you had planned.

How do you feel about how you spend your time most days?

If your answer is not positive, then take time this weekend to create a new plan for how you spend each day this coming week. Add in more of what inspires you. Find creative ways to accomplish the things needed that you don’t enjoy.

  • Is there someone you know who does enjoy those things you can get to help you?
  • Maybe you can use the money you currently spend on vanilla lattes to pay someone once a week to do it?
  • Can you hire a neighbor’s teenager to help?
  • Maybe you could create a learning experience for a local college intern and get the job done for free?

Think outside the box, rather than stay boxed in a life of drudgery. 

Auto-pilot or Authentic?

How much of your day do you go through on auto-pilot?

We live in such a fast-paced, action-driven culture that few of us actually review our days to see how much of them are by choice.

It is a daunting reality when you realize very little of your life is your current choice.

This is why we crave new experiences–restaurants, vacations, lovers–in an endless attempt to feel alive.

What if we started to create newness in our life as a daily choice?  It requires being wide-eyed awake in daily life to start choosing rather than being a robot. Tama Kieves, author of a great book —This Time I Dance, recently wrote in Huff Post, “The rat will always push the lever where the pellets are.” Have you become a well trained rat?

Ugh! No one wants to admit this. But most of us have.

Try for the next 24 hours to ask yourself, before you do anything, “Is this what I choose to do, or am I fulfilling a role, meeting someone else’s expectations, or maybe just doing what I always do?”

Then make a choice. You will be surprised how much of your day is filled with things you do on auto-pilot and how few people will care when you actually stop.

What will happen next?

You will start living a life on purpose and perhaps to your surprise, each day will start to feel more alive, unexpected things will flow into the space you have opened that make your days feel more magical, and you will again be living!

How many hats do you wear in your life?

In a world where you hustle from one commitment to the next, keeping all your plates spinning can be a constant challenge.  Usually we look at this from the view of a work and life balance as if they are two separate and distinct compartments.

The tasks competing for your time can be overwhelming, especially if you make endless to-do lists.  But maybe there is an easier way to look at your life and make juggling your many plates a little easier.  Forget viewing everything as equally demanding of your time or a long list you must endlessly prioritize.

Instead, look at the demands on your time from the view of the many different hats you wear. Start to catagorize demands on your time into these different roles rather than separate responsibilities.

What are all the hats you wear and roles you play in an average week or month?

You have the major hats you wear. These might be roles like:

  • Boss
  • Wife
  • Mother
  • Employee

But you probably also put on a number of other hats each day, week or month that you should add to the list.

  • Volunteer
  • Dog walker
  • Counselor for friends
  • Health consultant for family
  • Family maid service
  • Yard maintenance
  • You might even wear different hats with different people; list them.

Make your list as complete as you can, including all the hats you wear–whether chosen or out of duty.  Start to notice how much time each week you invest wearing these different hats. You may find that although one of them is extremely important to you, you don’t put that hat on nearly as often as another you really don’t enjoy wearing.

Then turn to your heart and ask which of these roles are your heart’s priorities. Pick your top three to five hats that you wish to wear, no matter what!

If your time investment is not aligned with the top five roles you desire to play, then it is time for a reset!

From this vantage point of roles you can start to assess if there are hats you wear that someone else could just as easily put on, freeing your time to wear the hats that matter.  It also allows you to lump many seemingly insignificant tasks that take up a lot of time into roles that matter and roles that do not.

Often I have been perplexed when a well-meaning friend has offered to help me by doing something that on the surface seems like it took a great load off my list; however, I resisted.  I now realize when I look at my responsibilities from this new angle that they were taking something that made sense from shortening my list, but was one of the hats I love.

By assessing your competing responsibilities by which hat your wear to do it you will find yourself free to make easier choices that lighten your load AND enliven your life.  When you put hats on that make you smile and inspire you more often then you have more energy for the rest of your work-life.

Balance can be restored by negotiating with others to pitch in on the hats you don’t enjoy, hiring help, or just putting those hats on much less often.  Your confidence will also be boosted as you tend to the things that matter; because we all know when things that matter are well everything else is so much easier.

The final take away is sometimes in order to juggle this work-life balance issue we try to do multiple things at one time. My advice is to drop that tactic, focus on what matters, who matters, and what really counts.

You always look better wearing one hat at a time.