Tag Archives: motivate

Betraying Ourselves

You may think the worst thing that has ever happened to you was when your husband left for another woman, or your best friend undermined your vulnerable plans by sharing them with someone behind your back, or … fill in the blank with the time you felt emotionally sucker punched.  Just thinking about it brings back that sick feeling in your solar plexus area, doesn’t it?

In her Huffington post article, Dr. Deborah Caldwell says these betrayals pail in comparison to the ones we do to ourselves, sometimes daily.  I agree with Deborah.  I would not keep someone as a friend if they treated me the way I sometimes treat me.  I certainly would never let someone talk to me the way I sometimes find my inner talk going.

These inner dialogues sabotage our ability to attain any worthy goal. Tell that inner voice goodbye.

How can you expect to release that extra 20 pounds if you keep telling yourself you are fat? Your subconscious mind does the only thing it is programed to do.  It makes sure your outer circumstances verify your inner talk. The same is true for your bank statement.  It will not grow fuller than that which agrees with your inner image.  If you find yourself frequently saying: “I am broke,”  “I cannot afford that” or other similar stories, you will be right.

Rather than keep setting New Year’s resolutions you do not keep or goals you won’t fulfill, why not become increasingly aware of your inner self talk!  First, stop the negative chatter.  Literally when you notice you have started a rant, on you, just say “stop it.”  Then stop. Second, add some affirming voices in place of the worn out record of beating yourself up.  Find the things you do well and keep pointing them out to yourself.  Make a list.  Read it daily and add to it often.

This year, your number one goal could be to become your own best friend.  Everything else, I bet, will fall into place when you start to really like and care for you.

Do you have an internal saboteur?

It is half way through 2014.  Are you creating the life of your dreams or are you revisiting the same daily actions and trivia you have been managing for years?  Staying alert to the subtle ways we sabotage our own success is critical to achieving our dreams.  But what do you do once you recognize you are off course?

At our last women’s retreat, we created a list of powerful actions to stop our internal saboteur before it gains power over our ability to manifest.  Having this resource can be your ticket to freedom and finally manifesting your goals, so I decided to share it with everyone.

If you begin to feel defeated, deflated, or depleted….STOP, and remember to reach for one of these tools:

  1. Scan you body.  Where are you holding the block physically?  Breathe into that area.
  2. Take a chance! Be bold when you feel timid, undecided, or confused.  Most failure comes from lack of decision, not the wrong decision.
  3. Set 3 objectives each night before bed for the next day that relate to your important goals. (Not the stuff that will consume your day, but the stuff you wish you had time for and never do.)  These are small steps towards these important goals–steps you can complete tomorrow.  Leave them by your bed and read them again when you awake.  These are your priorities for the next day.  Your unconscious has had time to creatively work on them overnight.  Do them before other tasks.
  4. Be Here Now. Remember to focus on the current moment; let go of ruminating over the past or worrying about the future.
  5. Speak you truth.  Be yourself.  Share your true feelings.  Remember truth is a powerful enzyme and it continues to transform over time.  (Let go if the results are not immediate.)
  6. Stop, rewind.  Cancel-clear.  Find a phrase to say when you notice what you are thinking or saying is not what you CHOOSE.
  7. Cultivate a daily practice.  Meditation, yoga or some other practice can keep your soul renewed and your spirits strong.
  8. Listen to the soft, calm voice of knowing we all have but often ignore.
  9. Stop the fearful chatter.  Be the boss of your inner dialogue.  Say “that’s enough!”
  10. Embrace the new or uncomfortable.  Rather than resist it try saying, “Wow!  I’ve never done THIS before!”
  11. Rewrite “the story” when you feel yourself stuck in one.  How could you see this from a different perspective?  What else is possibly true?
  12. Cultivate play, laughter, joy.  See a funny movie or do another energy changer.  We are more creative, productive, and better leaders when we act from a place of happiness.
  13. Take the next small step.  Don’t worry about the full list of what is required to reach your objective, just move forward everyday in some way.
  14. Connect with another supportive person.
  15. Do tapping or EFT when your energy is off.  If you don’t know what this is or need a reminder go to http://www.thetappingsolution.com/ or google Emotional Freedom Technique.

What are your favorite ways to keep yourself positive, motivated, and on track for the important goals you set?

After graduation what will she find?

If you have been following me for long you know I am passionate about empowering women around the world.  Empowering myself.  Empowering you.  Empowering your friends.

Yet, I believe the biggest change we can make will come through empowering our daughters, the next generation of women.  I have three daughters and I feel incredibly passionate about their experience being more authentic, strong, and celebratory of their feminine nature than mine.

I spent my adolescent, teen and early adult years trying to avoid the unwanted attention of male teachers, male friends of my parents and early bosses.  This made me feel ever so self conscious of my sexuality, any sensuality, and my affect on others.  The message was do not let your energy shine because it draws creepy and sometimes flat out assaulting behavior in people you are suppose to trust!  Unfortunately more women than not have similar stories of their youth.

As a young woman I also saw that power was solely in positions that men held– leading me  to develop my masculine side through becoming assertive, honing my decision making skills, and becoming highly competitive. As far as I was concerned, why would anyone want to live in a disempowered place–and this was what it took to not be powerless.  Many of you have had similar experiences in order to attain power and influence in the world.  I just did it to extreme–like most things I pursued in those years I was using my successes to validate my worth.

I suppressed anything that hinted I was feminine in my work life.  Upset and feel overwhelmed?  Whatever you do DON’T CRY.  Feel lonely and isolated?  Work harder to get ahead, getting attached to co-workers makes it harder to become their boss anyway.  Have a strong intuition that something is not right, stifle it because no one will take you seriously if you told them and worse they will stop listening to you in general.  Feel enthusiastic and have a spontaneous idea, find some market research or statistic to support your idea or keep your enthusiasm to yourself.

By the time I had my first child I had lost touch with so many parts of me that my new role as mother was like landing in alien territory.  Being spontaneous, unplanned, full of emotions, fully bonded with another human being was not natural to my ego and the role I had learned to play.  During the next chapter of my life I began to unravel this masculine mask and re-engage my feminine self.

What I realized was I had become a good man.  I never had role models of what it looked like to be a woman AND be powerful so I had traded my femininity for power.  And I am not alone.  Maybe you too gave up a piece of yourself to pursue something important.  I have been hearing from women every day, from all different walks of life that this same pattern has been played out in many ways.

The real terror of this situation is by working so hard to prove ourselves capable of the same things men can do we have been teaching our daughters the same thing we were so appalled by– that being feminine is not a position of strength.  You can be a woman these days, but certainly not a juicy, emotional, intuitive, creative, life giving female!

My new vision is to support young women becoming adults who believe in themselves–not just as a person, because that still denies their being feminine–but as the female person they are.  Let’s help them not only endure their volatility and sensitivity but relish their femininity.  Feminine strengths are missing in all aspects of our culture– education, health care, business, law and government.  If our young girls enter these areas with their femininity in tact maybe each of these areas could find new solutions to our current problems.  What are these feminine traits?  Intuitiveness.  Sensuality.  Multi-tasking. Tribe building.  Creativity.  Relationships.  Communications.  Power sharing.  Consensus building and many more!

I will explore ideas about how we can create an environment that helps our girls become women who celebrate their femininity, demonstrate their strength in our culture, contribute in big ways to our world and have a better chance at healthy relationships because they start with a heaping dose of loving themselves–just as they are!

Not Holding Onto Hope Doesn’t Make You Hopeless

This changed my life…

I do not need to hold onto the hope of who I need him to be. This frees me to be OK with who he is, forgive him, and BEGIN TO TAKE CARE OF ME!

This simple act of letting go of the hope for who I wanted him to be frees me from needing to convince, plead, cajole, and banter about it. It frees me to focus on the one thing I can do something about…

I can take care of me!

Although I immediately took this into my relationship with my children’s father, I can use it about my mother, my children, a boss, a friend…anyone I am feeling less than in harmony with!