This Pantene ad uncomfortably depicts our unnatural tendency as women to apologize for everything –even mundane daily nuances, repeating “sorry” whenever someone might be displeased. Is it true? Do you? I confess, I still say sorry way too often in way too many circumstances where it is not the needed response.
As I became aware of it years ago I said it less–and still saying sorry is my tendency. It’s almost like having the doctor tap that little hammer on my knee and up flies my leg; only it is every possible time I accidentally bump into another human being physically or emotionally–oops, sorry–even if is they who are doing the bumping!
I never thought of it as a gender based issue, just a personal flaw of mine. Yet, after watching this ad and reading some of the interesting write ups on women apologizing, I am starting to notice how many of my female friends and colleagues are plagued with this “verbal tic” as Bonnie Marcus labeled it. You might enjoy reading some of the research, CNN’s Kelly Wallace found of two studies showing men having a higher threshold as to what they need to apologize for and Gwen Moran’s excellent write up giving solutions. She looks at women’s predominant tendency to say “sorry” and then offers three important habit changers–find another phrase, get someone to audit you and give you feedback, and ….silence.
We will talk more later about the different ways we can improve our strength in relating to others without feeling pushed around or having to push. But not right now–sorry!
